Endure it - A DeanBenny fanfiction
by Kors
Summary: A retelling of the events in the first episode of season 8 with some additions. Mostly Benny's perspective.


**Notes: This is a fairly short fanfiction I think. Also the first I post here. **

**Please have mercy with me, as I'm not a native English speaker. If there are some blatant mistakes feel free to correct me. Critique is always welcome!**

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It felt like it had been yesterday when Benny heard of the wandering and fighting human in purgatory for the first time. His only wish up until now was to get out of there. Finally an opportunity presented itself in the shape of someone called Dean Winchester. He didn't plan on getting closer to the human than was necessary but Dean was just a tad more different than he had expected.

For godsake! It had to be a hunter who fell down to purgatory. Not a simple human. No! A bloody hunter! Making a deal with a person like that could be tricky indeed.

He followed him through the woods trying to stay clear of other creatures. After doing so for a few days he got a chance to approach Dean in the guise of saving him from another vamp. Good timing to propose a deal, he thought. That Benny used to travel with said vamp years ago considering him a friend was unfortunate but Benny had no choice in the matter. He couldn't risk making Dean suspcious of his true intentions.

They didn't hit it off from the start. Naturally, a hunter and a vampire had some issues to deal with. Benny slowly gained Dean's trust which was wished for, being his plan and all. What he didn't think about was that he would start to trust Dean in return. Looking back at it now, the development of their friendship was a miracle. Dean turned out to be a loyal friend and companion who was able to stand up to him. Something he sorely missed in the 50 years he had stayed there. Most of the other vamps he knew were all spineless or dicks and not really ally material.

Of course there were some setbacks during their year in purgatory. At least once each of them got so angry at the other almost resorting to murder. Luckily they were able to set matters straight before things got out of hand.

Dean tried to tell him about the changes that occurred in the 50 years he'd been dead. The things he said sounded so otherworldly to Benny. Writing to somebody on the otherside of the earth without needing to wait for a few weeks to get a reply? A telephone he could take wherever he wanted and actually use? Usually Dean's explainations would be followed by a reference to something. At least that was what Benny assumed it was. Most of these escaped his recognition which made him unable to truly laugh at the things Dean said. He appreciated these talks anyway. They were living in an endless war zone everyday and those quiet moments together, when they put their current life on pause, became the true basis for their friendship. It grew on them each day a bit more and before they realized they were instinctively relying on each other. Like true friends.

Whenever Dean spoke about up there his eyes flickered with happiness and Benny could take a glimpse at the Dean from before purgatory. Dean told him about his life, family especially his brother Sam and of course the family business. Interestingly, Dean had died a few times already and even went to hell and came back which may be helpful in their escape from purgatory, Benny thought.

There was only one instance their closeness developed into more. The memory of this event may be Benny's most vivid and most painful memory to date.

The day the kiss happend.

It was right after a long and tedious fight with a group of monster spawn in the woods. The enemies seemed to multiply at first but in the end victory was theirs. It was just after he slit the throat of another vamp and the feeling of being alive made him dizzy. He looked at Dean who seemed like he couldn't believe they were still alive either and their eyes locked for a few seconds.

Seconds which felt like eternity. The unexpected outburst of feelings inside Benny lead him over to where Dean was standing. The noises of the woods went still around them and they hugged. Almost falling down while they did so, too. Holding each other tightly Benny's feelings overwhelmed him and somehow his lips ended up brushing against Dean's. After that there was no stopping them.

Standing in the middle of the clearing, fatigued and surrounded by dead bodies, blood and grime all over them, they kissed. There might have been a slight resistance on Dean's account.

A resistance which seemed to dissolve at a fast rate when their lips touched a second time.

As it turned out it was easy to get Dean into tongue fight and soon he explored Dean's mouth passionately. His hands caressed Dean slowly and when the need overcame Benny, he grabbed his butt so tight that Dean moaned loudly into his mouth. The sudden noise coming from him, snapped Dean out of the sex haze. He slowly but firmly shoved Benny away, getting some distance between them and took a deep breath. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. The moment was over.

Benny could see that he felt bad about his lack of self-control and didn't mention or do anything to remind him of it. As a matter of fact they never talked about it again. Sure at first things were a bit awkward between them but before long they seemed to return to their initial friendship. Some time later they went through the portal and now they were standing next to Benny's grave.

This was it. Purgatory was over now and here their unlikely friendship would have to draw to an end. This moment may be his last chance to see Dean's face. A thought that tore right into him. Of course he couldn't show that to Dean, instead he bitched about Dean not being as fast as he had hoped. While he spoke he looked at Dean in his tattered clothes, wound on his arm and utterly exhausted appearance. As he became aware what exactly he was saying, Benny wanted to punch himself for speaking like that to him. But Dean didn't seem to be as phazed by it as he had thought and remarked sarcastically:„You're welcome!"

Suddenly being there with him felt awkward. Now it was expected of them to play their roles as „monster" and „hunter" again. They had to do it eventhough it didn't feel very good to both of them.

Benny felt a dark treacly feeling rising inside him but was able to push it down again and said:"This is good bye!"

Dean said something. He didn't really hear it. The feelings of sadness and regret being too overpowering. Causing him to go over to where Dean was standing. By the time he got to him he clung to his resolve with all his might. He had to get through this without anyone losing face. There was no way around it!

While shaking hands with Dean for a last time, he looked into his blue eyes and a few words slipped through: „We made it brother! I can't believe it!" Then the feelings pushed over the treshhold and a handshake became a hug. Benny took a deep breath, taking in Dean's smell while remembering all the times he had lived, fought, touched and kissed him. The pain he felt was nothing against any wound he ever received and there had been plenty of those. The pain was followed by such longing that it became increasingly hard to breathe for him. But he had to turn away, had to go out of Dean's life like they had agreed on a long time ago.

He still couldn't stop himself from thinking about Dean and their time in purgatory, though.

He had to call eventhough he knew that Dean wouldn't be too pleased about it. His assumptions were validated when Dean answered his call but told him it was the wrong number.

A few minutes later he got a call from Dean again telling him to adjust and not to call for at least some time. He could barely contain his feelings then but he had to stay strong.

Dean didn't know about his feelings and as far as he was concerned it should, no had to stay that way. He promised not to call again and to stay out of trouble. Unless he got a real emergency going on they had to stay clear off each other.

At least a thousand ways to get around this promise crept up to him but it was a promise and he knew how much Dean valued those. Maybe there truly was no chance for them to be close again.

And finally Benny understood the meaning of Dean's words, purgatory being a pure place. After he finished the call he couldn't move from his spot, reminiscing about all the good times he had with Dean keeping them as his most precious memories locked up inside.

There were no tears, only a burning sensation in his heart. He had to move on and use his chance at a second life provided by Dean. This being the only way he had left to honor the one he loved most.

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**Thank you for reading this. It's appreciated! :)**


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